I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
