I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize