Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
