somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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