I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize