she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
