My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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