He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
