Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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