So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize