I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
