new low.... made out with someone while peeing
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
