Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Do you still have your period?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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