I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
