five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
