you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Randomize
