tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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