I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
