Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
