How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
