he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Pants are for mortals
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Randomize
