Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
