and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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