meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
