It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
