We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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