Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
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