i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
