What a fucking waste of an outfit
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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