First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
