Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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