I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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