we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
false alarm, still single
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
