Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life