and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?