so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
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i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
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I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.