I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
