i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?