ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
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I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
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it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself