i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me