i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Even my vagina gasped.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
