I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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