summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
You brought string cheese to the strip club
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
