she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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