mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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