im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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