My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
