Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
