Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
