I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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