He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
My pussy is not your playground.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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