wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I could make wine with my vomit
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
