Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
