I chose taco bell over sex...
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.