i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...