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• (504): View more from Louisiana

  i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out

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• (443): View more from Maryland

  Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.

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• (504): View more from Louisiana

  Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.

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• (256): View more from Alabama

  he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.

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  Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July

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• (414): View more from Wisconsin

  a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...

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• (714): View more from California

  IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX

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• (714): View more from California

  The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.

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• (414): View more from Wisconsin

  He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.

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• (859): View more from Kentucky

  So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.

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  19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced

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• (613): View more from Ontario

  Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?

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• (479): View more from Arkansas

  Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless

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• (310): View more from California

  But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed

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• (416): View more from Toronto

  If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?

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• (503): View more from Oregon

  This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.

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• (920): View more from Wisconsin

  You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...

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