'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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