there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
it's great music for shaving your balls
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
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