Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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