i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
