I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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