just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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