Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
