Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize