plz talk dirty to me
no, he came in my armpit
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
