Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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