party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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