Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
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