The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
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