So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
that is very illegal...i love you.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
