So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
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