You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
