Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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