so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
