he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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