"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
