You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
