My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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