we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Randomize
