So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
