Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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