is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
you inspire me to be a worse person
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
