So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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