well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
