Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
