You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
