We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Randomize
